What are the forms of it? Do we all get it at some point in our lives? If its not the clinical type, how do you fight it? Since this affects way too many people, i think its an interesting subject to discuss. :)

hmmm. Just out of curiousity how old are you?

30. Why?

I think everyone gets it at some point, but for most people it is triggered by an event (death of a loved one, job loss, etc) and the majority are able to recover without treatment.

I suffer from clinical depression and it is hard. I'm trying to find a medication that works for me but no luck so far. Logically, I shouldn't be depressed. I have a pretty great life -- but I'm slowly starting to accept that my problem is a chemical imbalance (i.e, it is a PHYSICAL problem), not a personal deficiency so I am able to accept getting help for it on a long term (probably permanent) basis.

There is so much stigma attached to mental health issues -- that makes it hard to seek help. I'm pretty open about it on-line -- but in my personal life, most people don't know what I struggle with just to be able to make it through the day. But, I have 2 small kids and I know I need to do whatever it takes so they can have a healthy mom. Even if I have trouble doing it for myself -- I am motivated to do it for them.

Medication is not the only treatment I am trying. I am also trying 'talk therapy' as well as making dietary changes and trying to introduce exercise into my day. It is going to take some time but I am trying to remain optimistic that I can feel normal someday. Though, I've been depressed for so long, I'm not even sure if I know what feeling normal really is.

Here's a write-up of the types from About.com

Major Depression: Major depression is probably one of the most common forms of depression. You probably know a handful of people who suffer from it. The sufferer seems to walk around with the weight of the world on his or her shoulders. He or she seems disinterested in becoming involved in regular activities and seems convinced that he or she will always be in this hopeless state. There is a lack of interest in sexual activity and in appetite and a weight loss.

Atypical Depression: Atypical depression is a variation of depression that is slightly different from major depression. The sufferer is sometimes able to experience happiness and moments of elation. Symptoms of atypical depression include fatigue, oversleeping, overeating and weight gain. People who suffer from atypical depression believe that outside events control their mood (i.e. success, attention and praise). Episodes of atypical depression can last for months or a sufferer may live with it forever.

Psychotic Depression: Sufferers of psychotic depression begin to hear and see imaginary things - - sounds, voices and visuals that do not exist. These are referred to as hallucinations, which are generally more common with someone suffering from schizophrenia. The hallucinations are not "positive" like they are with a manic depressive. The sufferer of psychotic depression imagines frightening and negative sounds and images.

Dysthymia: Many people just walk around seeming depressed - - simply sad, blue or melancholic. They have been this way all of their lives. This is dysthymia - - a condition that people are not even aware of but just live with daily. They go through life feeling unimportant, dissatisfied, frightened and simply don't enjoy their lives. Medication is beneficial for this type of depression.

Manic Depression: Manic depression can be defined as an emotional disorder characterized by changing mood shifts from depression to mania which can sometimes be quite rapid. People who suffer from manic depression have an extremely high rate of suicide. Also known as bipolar disorder.

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I have been in an out of the psychologists, the hospitals, the psychiatrists, for about five years now. I was twelve when I started losing it. They all continued to tell my parents I was just suffering from the standard depression, that since I was coming of age that it was normal. My counselors at my school told me this too. So at first my parents agreed, and I did not go back until about sixth months later, when I wasn't feeling any better.

I suppose they thought I was lying about everything to get attention. So it was a short stay. Until a few months after that when things were getting worse. And they finally put me on the low dose of Zoloft until I was increased up to 200mg of Zoloft.

I took the medicine for a year. They weren't helping, at all. And no one was listening to me about it. So finally I just stopped taking them. Going from 200mg to nothing. Those next few months were awful. I was constantly dizzy and nauseous, I suffered slight hallucinations, and panic attacks. During those months I started cutting. Not deep of course, just anything to release the horrible feeling I was experiencing from withdrawal symptoms.

After those finally went away, I was whisked back into the doctors. They never knew I stopped taking it. They wanted to up my dosage and they did. It was a few days after that (I didn't take the medication.), that things really got bad. I was reeling from another hurtful backstabbing from my cousin, and had got into a fight with my mom.

I remember because it was during the summer. I was home alone. I made my first and only suicide attempt. (Well I think it was more a cry out for help then a suicide attempt.) I cut across my arm with a razor (So typical.) On the top of the arm, I did not go for the wrists, I was so scared. But I got deep, really deep, and had to be rushed to the hospital. After that episode my mom switched doctors and I went to see a therapist. Who just talked to me.

Nowadays, I still reel from everything, like it never ever goes away. But things are easier now because I'm continually talking to someone if I have any problems and I work it out rationally. The best thing to do, is to just talk. In my experiences drugs don't help, but talking does. And find someone who will listen to you thoroughly, not someone who will just pass it off as being 'moody.' It's really the only advice I can give.

Berkana, sorry you've had such a struggle. I know how you feel.

I just recently had my first stay at a psychiatric ward -- and I didn't find it helpful. I got to sleep a lot b/c the meds made me sleepy at first. The group therapy didn't help much, except I got to know what everyone else was struggling with. At least I didn't have to have electroshock like some of the patients in there. I didn't even know they still did that -- though they do at least put you under for it.

I still think meds can help. I am just starting on Zoloft. I used to take Prozac/Wellbutrin together and that seemed to help, but went off when I got pregnant with my kids b/c I was afraid of the risks. My new doc wants to find 1 pill that works instead of a combination -- so I'm trying to stick with it.

My family doesn't really know what to do with me either. I've suffered for years with 1 suicide attempt (pills) -- but, as was yours, it was more a cry for help. I became suicidal again, so I checked myself in this time. It's hard b/c now my family is afraid to let me be alone with my kids. That kind of hurts a little, though I understand it. Especially when you hear stories about moms hurting or killing their kids. But, I've never had thoughts of that, thank God. I think my kids might be better off without me sometimes -- but I'd never let anything hurt them ever.

I agree I think the talking helps (meds alone can't do it) -- but if you have a chemical imbalance -- just talking may not help. I'm just trying to find a medicine that will work right for me. But, my doctor doesn't really listen -- so, I think I'll have to find a new one so I can try the medicine I was taking before. I think it was so much better without all these side effects anyway.

Take care! :bearhug:

I have a different perspective on depression in that my Mother was depressed a lot of the time. In fact, she was borderline bipolar. In those days there was little anyone did about it because it was not talked about openly. My mother died when she was 80. At no time did she waver from her belief that had she been asked whether or not she wanted to be born, her answer would have been, "no."

My Mother, Andy, found some relief when she was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was about ten. She started taking medication and it did help mitigate her symptoms. When she entered perimenapause, her symptons worsened. It was not until she started taking anti-depressants that she had any significant relief. Then she would go through cycles because like most people taking those sorts of drugs, she did not like the side effects so she would stop taking them. Then the sleeplessness would start and she would sink gradually into a depressed state without her really noticing that descent. By then, she lived with my brother and his wife so they were able to call her attention to it and get her back on her prescription.

I tell you all this because of the impact of a clinically depressed person on her children. Her illness impacted my life and my brother's life in countless ways. As an adult, I was able to recognize and understand my mother's situation. Because of this, I came to accept that she could never be a mother to me, but she could be and was my best ADULT friend. I miss her terribly...she was a remarkable, intelligent, beautiful, and gifted person.

For those of you who are parents do all you can to even your keel. Do not blame yourself, be as kind to yourself as you can. When the episodes are too much for you, try to find a way to get away, perhaps to a retreat. Children feel so helpless when a parent is ill...it rocks their world.

My second post here is a contination to the above. Depression is inherited. My own temperament is not as severe as my mother's, yet I was a moody person when I was younger and could go from pure elation to a down rather rapidly. I learned to control my blood sugar (insulin) and that makes a heck of a lot of difference! Dietary changes helped and coming to terms with the FACTS of my life. I never did go through much formal therapy. Nathaniel Branden's books and sentence completion programs really really helped me. Let me know if you want a link to those. In the end, we have to learn our own temperament, and psychology. We have to define our own needs and learn to meet them even the need for relief from depression.

We all know that some people cannot beat depression no matter what they try, no matter how much people love them. Science does not fully understand why this is. We can only hope that medical research will, in time, identify the culprit and offer more tools to the individual.

My heart goes out to the posters here. You have the full extent of my compassion. I wish you wellness with every fiber of my being.

meta, thanks for the kind words. And I agree about the kids comment. That is why I am fighting this so hard. My kids deserve a mom who can be there for them. Kids are so in tune to the parents' emotions -- they know so much more than we think. I've tried treatments and stopped for one reason or another for years. But now that I have kids, it isn't just about me anymore and I can't afford to ignore it any longer. Sometimes I don't feel as if I deserve to be happy -- but I KNOW my kids do. So it isn't just about me anymore.

I wish everyone could be as compassionate and understanding as you. It would encourage a lot more people to seek treatment. Thanks again!

By the way, I'm interested in the link. Thanks!

I will get the link and post it here a little later. It is not about deserving to be happy...happiness is not something we earn it is something we experience. First thing I would recommend is be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can. Some days will be better than others. I am happy to assist you as a listening post if you would like.

Here is a link to Nathaniel's website page that postes his audio mp3s for a start.



Branden Audio

If I cannot find a link to the sentence completions, I will send them to you via e mail because I have a Word document with same.

Nathaniel is a remark indiviudal. His books and audio tapes have helped me all through my life. And, you can talk with him personally if you wish.

I could write a book about this. My son started suffering from depression when he was 14. He stopped going to school. His biggest problem was anxiety and that led to depression. He was almost agoraphobic (unable to leave the house). He would sometines go for several weeks without going out. Medication was a savior. For a while he was on quite a few medications. He hated taking them. It is very different when you are going through adolescence because your body is changing so much. He made it through a small private high school in 21/2 years (he is very smart, probably any ivy school candidate). Towards the end of high school, he cut back to Zoloft and one other pill (don't remember which one). Then he was in and out of college. He would take med and be fine, and then would stop and fall apart. When he reached the age of around 20, he started to understand what the meds did for him. He agreed to just take zoloft. He has been doing that for the past 3 years. After being home again for 2 years, he started going to the local community college part time. This past January he moved out and got an apartment with his girlfriend, and completed his first full college semester with a 4.0GPA. The zoloft helps to keep hime level and to cope when things come up. He still has his problems, but is greatly improved. But I have to stress that it took him 10 years to get to this point, and I always know that he could regress. He never really responded to talking to his psychiatrist, and because it really is a chemical imbalance, the zoloft helps. This problem takes lots of patience. Many, many people suffer from mental illness. He is open and honest about his. He even had trouble going in to take 1 final exam last fall, and emailed the prpofessor, and told her everything. So far, he has had positive results from being open.
This is part of why I love Elliott so much, because he is an example of someone who turned his life around, and gives people who are struggling with anything in their lives hope.

cathleen susan- my son saw many people over the course of time. We also got conflicting answers and opinions from different health care providers. I don't knkow how old you are, but the person my son eventually worked the best with was someone who concentrates on teens and young adults. He can really relate to my son. He does not see any older people, and really knows how to talk to young adults. I still have to stress the meds. My son needed them just to be able to go and talkl to someone. His anxiety is social. I have to say he is a very outgoing and engaging person, who is liked by just about everyone who meets him. He just doesn't believe it.
By the way, he met his girlfriend on the internet in an online computer game. He talked to her online for about 2 years before they met. Talking to people on the computer is a very non threatening way to make social contact as long as you take the usual precautions.

llanz, I think you hit the nail on the head, it takes a lot of patience to track down the core reasons for depression...each case is different and so each "cure" is different. I know some people grow out of depression in time, that is one reason I believe hormonal levels to have something to do with it. And, I do not think it is incidental that gifted people are often the ones who suffer from depression. When I am talking abotu gifted here, I am not talking about academics but about raw intelligence. I was in a study some years ago regarding intelligent children and their experiences. Through that study I learned a lot about the differences intelligence has attached to it. If you are interested, I will be happy to share some of what I learned.

My thoughts are with you and with your son. You should be very proud of both of you!

I've actually had many discussions about the gifted aspect. Highly gifted and creative people are much more aware of their surroundings, and therefore more sensitive about them. They notice every detail, and remember everything. It is a gift and curse at the same time.
Also, many people who suffer from depression from a particular incident often get over it with time. An example would be post partum (yes Tom it is real) depression, or if you remember Tipper Gore talked about her bout with depression after her son had an accident.
Also, I know that changing hormones can have an effect on depression. We were told that when my son came out of adolescense he might outgrow his anxiety and depression. Unfortunately that did not happen. But if you saw, at the age of 20 he reached a maturation about it, that could have been related to hormones also. Maybe the degree of severity abated.

This is an interesting discussion.

I have a question, though.....

Does depression have to be a permanent thing? Or can it last a while and then gradually decrease until it is finally gone?

Hmm, i'm actually surprised to see that many of our frequent members here are suffering from depression (realy guys i would never guess!) and i'm sorry for what you are going through. I started this thread from mere curiosity though. I think life is too short to waste on being depressed all the time. But i guess thats not something you can say to a clinically depressed person and expect him to change, However i was wondering... Are there a number of reasons that can cause this chemical imbalance? I mean can many depressing circumstances lead to clinical depression, or its something irrelevant you get all of a sudden like a cancer?

I sometimes wonder about myself, although i think i'm a positive and happy personality by default, sometimes i just crack under the pressure of past untold and unresolved issues that resurface again, and find myself crying alone sometimes. I'm very positive that a good friend is all i need to just open up and vent about it, but i just hope its nothing more serious.

Depression can be caused by many things. When it is caused by a chemical imbalance, that is one thing. As I said in my previous post it can be caused by an incident in life, hormonal changes, trauma or other things. Many times, it can be temporary. Unfortunately, some people will always have a tendency to suffer. In our family there is also a heredity component. My son has a chemical imbalance. I suppose anyone's chemical makeup can change at any time, but since he has such a long history, he will probably always struggle with depression and anxiety. This does not mean that he will not have a successful and happy life, it just means that at any time, things that most people can deal with in life will become overwhelming for him. In his case the medication helps to keep him from crossing a line where it totally becomes unbearable for him; just a little more difficult.
I have to say, I think we all walk a tight line between sanity and losing it at times. Everyone sometimes has feelings that something in life is too much to handle. It's just for most people those are fleeting thoughts, or just last for a day or two. Then we are able to lift ourselves up and move on. People who suffer chronically, can not do that.
I am by no means an expert on this subject. I just have lots of experience from dealing with my son. If anyone on this forum is questioning whether or not they are suffering from depression, you can talk with your primary care doctor about this. You do not need to run to a psychiatrist. Your primary care doctor should be able to help you determine whether you need to seek a mental care practitioner. There are also a number of web sites that can help you determine if you are suffering from depression. Just google "depression".

I was in an open-unit for about a week. Getting to talk to other people who were going through similar things helped me a tiny bit. But overall it didn't help much. Just talking I suppose. But I'm supposed to start cognitive behavior therapy.

ECT scares me to high heaven. I know it's still practiced and they put you under for it, but I just scares me. I know my problems are to the levels that require ECT but if they were, I would, I don't know what I would do. It just frightens me.

hi all
Just found this thread when I just now checked out the "mental illness" thread. For some reason I always thought it was a tongue in cheek thread about people obsessed with Elliott, and talking about their "obsession" OOPS :)

I have suffered from depression and panic attacs for a long time now. I have been on Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro, ad finally Wellbutrin, which I am still taking.
It helps the depression , but not the anxiety, which drives me bananas sometimes. For no appearant reason I have this feeling of impending doom, that something terrible is going to happen.
I try to take deep breaths , meditate, whatever, but few things really help.
My doc before prescibed me some low doses of Xanax, to take on an "as needed basis,", and they really worked well... but I moved last year, and the doctor here won't give me any or anything like it, since they think it is habitforming.
I can't really change docs because I have to go to a State Funded Mental health clinic.
It really has made it hard for me. I don't leave the house much , due to the anxiety, so it is a vicious cycle, I can't really make friends because of it, other than the people I work with. Not sure what am I supposed to do now, I kind of feel let down...
Anyway, thanks for reading all. And best wishes to all :)

Have you tried a combination of medications? The reason I ask is that I take both Zoloft and Wellbutrin. Zoloft is supposed to help with social anxiety, but it wasn't enough to help me with the depression, so my doctor added Wellbutrin, too and that seems to be working.

Xanax is habit forming. I just had a hospital stay recently and there was a guy in my unit that was there to detox from it.

Have you asked your doctor about clonipin? It is a less potent version of Xanax. It isn't as fast acting and lasts longer in your system. It can be habit forming -- but it isn't nearly as bad as Xanax. My mom takes it for anxiety.

Good luck! I hope you find a doctor who can help you out with the anxiety. I know how rough that can be.

:glomp:

thank you so much for your kind reply.

Yes I have tried combination of Lexapro with the wellbutrin, and it just made me feel a little weird. I had a really bad taste in my mouth also, which I could have dealt with, in the end I just got really irritable. So doc decided against it.

Zoloft I just took on its own, and it made my bloodpressure terribly high. Thing is I didn't even know it, I felt fine on them.
My pressure is normally low (90 over 60), to normal (120 over 70), but I had to go to a regular doc for a UT and as they routinely check your BP, it came back 160 over 90something.
Since nothing else had changed it was assumed it was caused by the medication. Sigh...

I will ask about clonopin (which someone else told me about also) my next visit which is in about 4 weeks.
In the meantime I just tell myself ommmm...ommmmm..ommmm :D .

Thanks again...
t.

wow....I've been kind of afraid to enter this thread, not knowing what I'd find. Your stories are raw, heartbreaking, and devastating. HOWEVER, it's important to share...that's part of the healing process.

I've struggled with depression most of my life. I have tried to discover if there was an event that kicked it off, but so far, nothing. There is mental illness on both sides of my family. I come from a large family (six children) and a huge extended family, so maybe the odds of mental illness increase in numbers, lol. As I grew into adulthood, family losses became more frequent and they began to hit me harder and harder. I hate to even tell people that don't know my background how many illnesses and tragedies have befallen my family because I'm sure they'd think I was making it all up.

After a particularly crushing loss, I began to have persistent panic attacks via chest pains, severe abdominal pain, shortness of breath, etc. I started developing upper respiratory infections, bronchitis, etc. And I woke up every morning wishing I were dead. I never considered suicide because I knew how devastating that would be to my siblings. I just wanted to disappear. I eventually crawled out of the darkest places of that hole. And I have to tell you, I couldn't have done it without praying and the prayers of many others on my behalf.

There has been the usual hit and miss stabs of the right combo of meds and therapy, which is crucial, but I'm always left with the feeling that I'm stuck with depression for life and to be honest, feeling "normal" just isn't going to be part of my life. At this point, I think the meds are working well together and my shrink thinks I can come off Zoloft soon. Yay! And there are some other things happening that give me some hope for the future.

I have had problems with side effects of other drugs, which I reported immediately, and we just tried something else. I HIGHLY recommend everyone to notify their doc immediately of any side effects and let the doc make changes. You don't have to suffer. As you can see by the responses here, every single person is going react differently to the chemicals in every drug. Don't give up!

To those trying to understand the components of depression-- the brain is an extraordinarily complicated organ. There is SO much scientists have yet to learn about its complexities. The little we do know....how the levels of hormones in the brain affect mood...is just the beginning, in my opinion. Drugs used to combat epilepsy are used to treat bipolar disorder. Somehow there's a link between the two. Fascinating stuff. I greatly admire those who dedicate their lives to dissecting the human brain.

I think this thread is very important.....those of us who wouldn't normally share intimate info regarding his/her mental health can come here to share. I do have people I can talk to about this; people who experience the same thing-- and believe me, there are more out there than you could ever imagine!

Hang tough! :valentine:

OOMM, it's so weird, because I was just thinking about posting this very topic!

Anyway, yeah, I've been going through a depression this past week since coming back from Cali. Being out there triggered so many emotions, and leaving was hard. Plus I did some pretty stupid stuff this past weekend to try and "alleviate" my depression, but of course it only made it worse.
Depression runs in my family. My mom got postpardem depression after each of her children. My grandmother has been in mental hospitals. Pretty much everyone I've been close to in my family has been through a serious depression at one point or another.

I would not consider what I go through from time to time clinical depression. I usually get depressed after some major event has happened (good or bad--but mostly bad)), or I do something really stupid that I regret. When I know I'm depressed, I pray. But sometimes I can go down the wrong path to solving my depression by eating or isolating myself from the world, or doing something that is wrong just for the "thrill" of the moment to make me "feel" better for that moment (but of course, it doesn't...it just makes my depression worse). Slowly but surely, I am getting to the point where I don't allow depression to control my life when I do get depressed.

My heart goes out to all of you who have dealt with clinical depression directly or indirectly. After going through it with my mom, I can truly understand. :glomp: